Co-Sleeping: Helping Your Kids Transition Out
There are two good ways to help your children transition out of your bed and into their own, should you decide you would like them to do that before they are ready to do it on their own. Many people also use these methods in combination.
For the first method, begin by having your child take naps in his/her new bed so s/he becomes accustomed to waking up in a new place. After several weeks of napping in the new bed, begin putting your child to sleep at night there. Make certain there are plenty of night-lights in your child’s room, and along the path from their room to yours, so s/he is not frightened and disoriented when discovering s/he has awakened in the “wrong place”. For awhile it is likely that your child will wake sometime in the night, discover s/he is not in the “right” bed, and come spend the rest of the night with you. This may go on for a week, a month, even a year, in some cases. The important thing to remember is that there really isn’t any rush. Every child moves at his/her own pace. But eventually the child will get used to the new arrangement and quit the middle of the night self-transfer.
For the first method to work well, your child obviously needs to be old enough to climb in and out of bed by him or herself and negotiate the path to your room. If you are trying to move a younger child, or your older child is not reacting well to method one, you may want to try method number two. To begin, put a small mattress next to your bed for the child to sleep on. One on the floor is fine. Have your child sleep right next to the bed for several weeks at least, either getting down on the floor with him/her to help him/her back to sleep when s/he wakes up, or having him/her come back in with you temporarily. (Some families find this arrangement works so well, that they just leave things as they are for awhile.) When your child is accustomed to this arrangement, move the mattress away from your bed, over next to the wall for several weeks. As the months go by, or weeks if your child is reacting well, move the mattress closer and closer to the new room.
I want to mention a third option for people who don’t necessarily want to move their child out, but find that for whatever reason the family bed is not working well for them: perhaps the bed is too small, the child too wiggly, or a parent can not rest because they are afraid the baby will fall out etc.. Take one of the sides completely off a crib, pull it up tight next to the bed. Tie it there securely so it can’t slip away and make a crack for the baby to fall into. Now the baby is right next to you for safety and convenience, but not taking up space in the bed. (This is known as a "side-car.") Baby is also penned in on three sides and you are on the fourth, so this arrangement keeps those wiggly, floppy types from rolling off the bed.
The most important thing to remember when transitioning a child out of your bed is that there is no rush. The thing you do not want to do is pick a day and say, for example, “OK, you are three years old now. From now on you are going to sleep in your own bed.” Your child simply will not understand this kind of arbitrary line. From his/her point of view you will be pushing him/her away. Not only will you be setting yourself up for months of nighttime battles, but your poor child will spend that time trying to figure out why s/he is being thrust away in a manner that makes no sense to him/her. There is no reason to make bedroom transitioning traumatic for anyone. All that is required for a smooth move is understanding and patience.
Contraindications for sleep sharing:
1. Never sleep with your baby if you have been drinking or using drugs!
2. Never put your baby to sleep on a water bed or other soft surface!
3. It is better to have a young baby on the side of mother away from dad, as not all fathers have the benefit of the mothering instincts that keep mom from rolling over on the baby.
4. Smokers should not sleep with babies because the toxins that remain on their skin and clothes have been shown to increase the risk of S.I.D.S..
5. Mothers who are morbidly obese should avoid sleep sharing.
There are two good ways to help your children transition out of your bed and into their own, should you decide you would like them to do that before they are ready to do it on their own. Many people also use these methods in combination.
For the first method, begin by having your child take naps in his/her new bed so s/he becomes accustomed to waking up in a new place. After several weeks of napping in the new bed, begin putting your child to sleep at night there. Make certain there are plenty of night-lights in your child’s room, and along the path from their room to yours, so s/he is not frightened and disoriented when discovering s/he has awakened in the “wrong place”. For awhile it is likely that your child will wake sometime in the night, discover s/he is not in the “right” bed, and come spend the rest of the night with you. This may go on for a week, a month, even a year, in some cases. The important thing to remember is that there really isn’t any rush. Every child moves at his/her own pace. But eventually the child will get used to the new arrangement and quit the middle of the night self-transfer.
For the first method to work well, your child obviously needs to be old enough to climb in and out of bed by him or herself and negotiate the path to your room. If you are trying to move a younger child, or your older child is not reacting well to method one, you may want to try method number two. To begin, put a small mattress next to your bed for the child to sleep on. One on the floor is fine. Have your child sleep right next to the bed for several weeks at least, either getting down on the floor with him/her to help him/her back to sleep when s/he wakes up, or having him/her come back in with you temporarily. (Some families find this arrangement works so well, that they just leave things as they are for awhile.) When your child is accustomed to this arrangement, move the mattress away from your bed, over next to the wall for several weeks. As the months go by, or weeks if your child is reacting well, move the mattress closer and closer to the new room.
I want to mention a third option for people who don’t necessarily want to move their child out, but find that for whatever reason the family bed is not working well for them: perhaps the bed is too small, the child too wiggly, or a parent can not rest because they are afraid the baby will fall out etc.. Take one of the sides completely off a crib, pull it up tight next to the bed. Tie it there securely so it can’t slip away and make a crack for the baby to fall into. Now the baby is right next to you for safety and convenience, but not taking up space in the bed. (This is known as a "side-car.") Baby is also penned in on three sides and you are on the fourth, so this arrangement keeps those wiggly, floppy types from rolling off the bed.
The most important thing to remember when transitioning a child out of your bed is that there is no rush. The thing you do not want to do is pick a day and say, for example, “OK, you are three years old now. From now on you are going to sleep in your own bed.” Your child simply will not understand this kind of arbitrary line. From his/her point of view you will be pushing him/her away. Not only will you be setting yourself up for months of nighttime battles, but your poor child will spend that time trying to figure out why s/he is being thrust away in a manner that makes no sense to him/her. There is no reason to make bedroom transitioning traumatic for anyone. All that is required for a smooth move is understanding and patience.
Contraindications for sleep sharing:
1. Never sleep with your baby if you have been drinking or using drugs!
2. Never put your baby to sleep on a water bed or other soft surface!
3. It is better to have a young baby on the side of mother away from dad, as not all fathers have the benefit of the mothering instincts that keep mom from rolling over on the baby.
4. Smokers should not sleep with babies because the toxins that remain on their skin and clothes have been shown to increase the risk of S.I.D.S..
5. Mothers who are morbidly obese should avoid sleep sharing.
| gaelenbillingsley_sleeptransition.doc |