On Weaning
I have never liked the word “weaning”. It feels sort of whiny and pinched in my ear. Nor are the associations that come to mind when I hear the word positive. For some reason, I always see an image of a mother withholding, shoulder turned away from her child, face set with determination. It doesn't have to be that way. In fact, if it is that way, you are setting yourself up for a terrible time. The harder you push a child from you, the more desperately he or she will cling to you. It is one of the basic laws of parenting, and I have seen it borne out again and again.
Generally speaking, a child who feels utterly safe, secure, and good inside, is a child who weans easily. If I could leave you with one successful child-led weaning tip that you would never forget, it would be this: the void of each lost nursing needs to be filled with something equally wonderful. What that wonderful thing is depends on the child, the situation. As my friend Katie says, “Every family is different. Each has it’s own pattern, and every person in that family contributes to the process of weaning.”
I have seen different families find unique and successful paths to weaning with: leaving the whole thing up to the child, extra attention from Daddy, different kinds of loving from Mama, the distraction and fun of family vacations, a long visit from a beloved house guest, stories, songs, camping trips, infant massage, and anything else that fills the child’s emotional tank and/or upsets the normal routine in a positive way. And one good way to tell if your child is yet emotionally ready to wean, is whether a novel change creates in him/her a need to nurse MORE rather than LESS, as your family is swept up in the excitement of the novelty.
Encouraging your child to wean is work, the less ready the child, the more work it is. In fact sometimes it takes so much work that it isn’t really worth it. If it seems too hard, maybe the time is not yet ripe. Why do it if it seems so hard? Why not wait a little longer? If I had a penny for every woman I know who started to wean and said: Oh man! This is not worth it! I thought giving up nursing would be less work, but it is more!
Life itself is a never-ending series of weanings. The process of growing up, of weaning from the breast, from diapers, from one’s parents, takes time. A weaning from the breast that will not hurt mother or child takes patience and negotiation on the part of both partners in the nursing relationship. I use the term “child-led weaning”, not because I advocate that a mother should follow blindly the wishes of her child, regardless of her own wishes, but so the mother will not forget that she must act as advocate for BOTH parties in the relationship, her child as well as herself. The nursling is, in reality, at the mercy of the mother, but in the context of a loving weaning, can trust that his/her mother will listen, trust, and treat him/her as a partner.
I have never liked the word “weaning”. It feels sort of whiny and pinched in my ear. Nor are the associations that come to mind when I hear the word positive. For some reason, I always see an image of a mother withholding, shoulder turned away from her child, face set with determination. It doesn't have to be that way. In fact, if it is that way, you are setting yourself up for a terrible time. The harder you push a child from you, the more desperately he or she will cling to you. It is one of the basic laws of parenting, and I have seen it borne out again and again.
Generally speaking, a child who feels utterly safe, secure, and good inside, is a child who weans easily. If I could leave you with one successful child-led weaning tip that you would never forget, it would be this: the void of each lost nursing needs to be filled with something equally wonderful. What that wonderful thing is depends on the child, the situation. As my friend Katie says, “Every family is different. Each has it’s own pattern, and every person in that family contributes to the process of weaning.”
I have seen different families find unique and successful paths to weaning with: leaving the whole thing up to the child, extra attention from Daddy, different kinds of loving from Mama, the distraction and fun of family vacations, a long visit from a beloved house guest, stories, songs, camping trips, infant massage, and anything else that fills the child’s emotional tank and/or upsets the normal routine in a positive way. And one good way to tell if your child is yet emotionally ready to wean, is whether a novel change creates in him/her a need to nurse MORE rather than LESS, as your family is swept up in the excitement of the novelty.
Encouraging your child to wean is work, the less ready the child, the more work it is. In fact sometimes it takes so much work that it isn’t really worth it. If it seems too hard, maybe the time is not yet ripe. Why do it if it seems so hard? Why not wait a little longer? If I had a penny for every woman I know who started to wean and said: Oh man! This is not worth it! I thought giving up nursing would be less work, but it is more!
Life itself is a never-ending series of weanings. The process of growing up, of weaning from the breast, from diapers, from one’s parents, takes time. A weaning from the breast that will not hurt mother or child takes patience and negotiation on the part of both partners in the nursing relationship. I use the term “child-led weaning”, not because I advocate that a mother should follow blindly the wishes of her child, regardless of her own wishes, but so the mother will not forget that she must act as advocate for BOTH parties in the relationship, her child as well as herself. The nursling is, in reality, at the mercy of the mother, but in the context of a loving weaning, can trust that his/her mother will listen, trust, and treat him/her as a partner.
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