Ten Traits of the Healthiest, Happiest Teenagers
Yes, I know my daughter is four, but recently I have felt obsessed and worried about the adolescence that is barreling down on us, now a mere nine years away. My son is bound to get there a couple of years before her, but for some reason it took the chubby dimpled face of a daughter to strike the chill fear of popular culture in my veins. Perhaps it is that I myself emerged from high school such a self-doubting, frightened shadow of the girl who went in. Perhaps, it is that the horror scenarios spun by my unruly brain are so much worse with the feminine spin, than with the masculine.
At such times in life I have found only one way to appease the furious energy of my imagination: Research! I read Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls (by Mary Pipher), and then to be fair, I read Real Boys: Rescuing our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood (by William S. Pollack). I took notes. Now, it is certainly true that no synopsis will be able to approach the carefully considered thoughtful arguments of both these books when digested in their entirety. However, I felt it might never the less be valuable to synthesize the main points in to a list that could be reviewed at a glance by any adolescent’s parent, who is under the impression that her head is about to explode with frustration at any moment. I think parents of young children might also like to keep the ten points in mind, that they may plan well in advance, for the items over which they have some influence. So here they are: Ten life traits of the emotionally healthiest and happiest teenagers, as synthesized from Reviving Ophelia and Real Boys.
The healthiest teenagers have:
1. Very responsive, non-judging parents.
2. Clear and well enforced boundaries. (Author’s note: This does not preclude the child’s input on the creation of said boundaries.)
3. A passion to focus on, ie: a sport, instrument, hobby etc.
4. Good habits for dealing with stress, ie: exercise, reading, playing music etc.
5. A family that recognizes the value of, and pursues some form of public service, ie. "fights for worthy causes."
6. Close relationships with other adults in addition to the parents.
7. A family that fosters awareness of the greater community and world.
8. Some form of intergenerational contact/activities that assist them in staying in touch with the greater world and put some perspective on the fleeting nature of adolescence.
9. Parents who do not hold expectations that children should grow in any specific direction or embody any specific label, ie: popular, cute, thin, tough, a rebel, a doctor, etc.
10. Parents who don’t stifle their bids to create separate identities of their own.
Yes, I know my daughter is four, but recently I have felt obsessed and worried about the adolescence that is barreling down on us, now a mere nine years away. My son is bound to get there a couple of years before her, but for some reason it took the chubby dimpled face of a daughter to strike the chill fear of popular culture in my veins. Perhaps it is that I myself emerged from high school such a self-doubting, frightened shadow of the girl who went in. Perhaps, it is that the horror scenarios spun by my unruly brain are so much worse with the feminine spin, than with the masculine.
At such times in life I have found only one way to appease the furious energy of my imagination: Research! I read Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls (by Mary Pipher), and then to be fair, I read Real Boys: Rescuing our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood (by William S. Pollack). I took notes. Now, it is certainly true that no synopsis will be able to approach the carefully considered thoughtful arguments of both these books when digested in their entirety. However, I felt it might never the less be valuable to synthesize the main points in to a list that could be reviewed at a glance by any adolescent’s parent, who is under the impression that her head is about to explode with frustration at any moment. I think parents of young children might also like to keep the ten points in mind, that they may plan well in advance, for the items over which they have some influence. So here they are: Ten life traits of the emotionally healthiest and happiest teenagers, as synthesized from Reviving Ophelia and Real Boys.
The healthiest teenagers have:
1. Very responsive, non-judging parents.
2. Clear and well enforced boundaries. (Author’s note: This does not preclude the child’s input on the creation of said boundaries.)
3. A passion to focus on, ie: a sport, instrument, hobby etc.
4. Good habits for dealing with stress, ie: exercise, reading, playing music etc.
5. A family that recognizes the value of, and pursues some form of public service, ie. "fights for worthy causes."
6. Close relationships with other adults in addition to the parents.
7. A family that fosters awareness of the greater community and world.
8. Some form of intergenerational contact/activities that assist them in staying in touch with the greater world and put some perspective on the fleeting nature of adolescence.
9. Parents who do not hold expectations that children should grow in any specific direction or embody any specific label, ie: popular, cute, thin, tough, a rebel, a doctor, etc.
10. Parents who don’t stifle their bids to create separate identities of their own.
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