On Teens:
Combating the Teen Tunnel-Vision Effect
One of the life-circumstances that characterizes teens who possess a greater-than-average resilience to the stress brought by the tumultuous teen transition time, is having a family that fosters a sense of connection with the greater world. The natural tendency for adolescents is to maintain a world-view that shrinks steadily until it feels as if there is nothing of any significance beyond the halls of their high-school, nothing that means more or has greater impact than a slight from one popular classmate. Helping a teen remember that high school is only five percent of their expected life span, and that their present circle of acquaintance is but a tiny fraction of the pool of potential connection that exists for them in their life, is an important service parents can provide. But just talking about it doesn’t work!
Teens need to live real-world experience to make the concept real to them. Hook your family up with the greater community and with the world, and high school will dwarf into perspective. The following are ideas that have been shown to mediate the Teen-age Tunnel-Vision Effect:
1) Living in a family that recognizes the value of, and pursues public service, ie. a family that fights for worthy causes. Social activism helps help put a teen’s troubles in perspective and generates a feeling of empowerment, the sense that s/he is making a positive contribution to the greater world.
2) Having parents who encourage teens to foster close relationships with other adults helps teens feel more connected to the wider community, and gives them access to a wider range of mentors they can go to for help and advice. Many teens would rather risk death (literally) than risk feeling shamed by or disappointing Mom or Dad, so the more they are in need of help, the less likely they are to seek it. Having alternate mentors can help!
3) Parents who bring the world in to the family through dinner-table discussions of politics and current events give teens an experience of the world to compare their own life to. For what is “not making the football team” compared to losing your whole village in an ethnic relocation purge. And what is a 12:00 curfew when placed against a culture where girls can not even go out of the house alone? (Tip: Just discuss other cultures! Don’t go to the “You should be happy! You are so lucky...” place!)
4) Finally, having a relationship with Grandma and Grandpa can help. In fact, any loving intergenerational connection can put some perspective on the fleeting nature of adolescence, and help teens remember that it will all be over soon!
Combating the Teen Tunnel-Vision Effect
One of the life-circumstances that characterizes teens who possess a greater-than-average resilience to the stress brought by the tumultuous teen transition time, is having a family that fosters a sense of connection with the greater world. The natural tendency for adolescents is to maintain a world-view that shrinks steadily until it feels as if there is nothing of any significance beyond the halls of their high-school, nothing that means more or has greater impact than a slight from one popular classmate. Helping a teen remember that high school is only five percent of their expected life span, and that their present circle of acquaintance is but a tiny fraction of the pool of potential connection that exists for them in their life, is an important service parents can provide. But just talking about it doesn’t work!
Teens need to live real-world experience to make the concept real to them. Hook your family up with the greater community and with the world, and high school will dwarf into perspective. The following are ideas that have been shown to mediate the Teen-age Tunnel-Vision Effect:
1) Living in a family that recognizes the value of, and pursues public service, ie. a family that fights for worthy causes. Social activism helps help put a teen’s troubles in perspective and generates a feeling of empowerment, the sense that s/he is making a positive contribution to the greater world.
2) Having parents who encourage teens to foster close relationships with other adults helps teens feel more connected to the wider community, and gives them access to a wider range of mentors they can go to for help and advice. Many teens would rather risk death (literally) than risk feeling shamed by or disappointing Mom or Dad, so the more they are in need of help, the less likely they are to seek it. Having alternate mentors can help!
3) Parents who bring the world in to the family through dinner-table discussions of politics and current events give teens an experience of the world to compare their own life to. For what is “not making the football team” compared to losing your whole village in an ethnic relocation purge. And what is a 12:00 curfew when placed against a culture where girls can not even go out of the house alone? (Tip: Just discuss other cultures! Don’t go to the “You should be happy! You are so lucky...” place!)
4) Finally, having a relationship with Grandma and Grandpa can help. In fact, any loving intergenerational connection can put some perspective on the fleeting nature of adolescence, and help teens remember that it will all be over soon!
| gaelenbillingsley_teens_tunnelvision.doc |